This summer, a lot has happened. I guess that’s not very specific — I’ve never been good at telling the truth in my writing. What am I willing to admit to myself? What might my audience think of it? It’s hard to know if what I’m saying comes across as vain, pretentious, pathetic, and, above all else, pitiful. I don’t want to read what I wrote and think ‘that’s sort of pathetic’. I don’t want my readers to think I sound like a sad little girl, crying for attention.
But I’m working on being honest. I love nonfiction, and you can’t exactly write memoir pieces if you’re not willing to admit to yourself why you feel the need to. So, would you bear with me if this is a bit stilted? I appreciate it.
This summer, two people I loved dearly passed away within the span of a week. In the days following, I went to work, wrote articles, and, very pointedly, didn’t think about it. In fact, I only thought about grief because I couldn’t stop being angry at every customer I served. I couldn’t really tell you why. Maybe I was just wondering why they would be at Jimmy Johns when my grandfather was dead. Standing in of me whining about their Rewards program when I was going to spend my stupid paycheck to buy a lousy dress for funerals.
Other than that, I really only thought about loss through reading. So, here are the books I read over this summer to deal with grieving. I hope you enjoy them as well.
We Could be Rats
This fiction book by Emily Austin had me crying on my flight to O’Hare. It’s not specifically about grieving, but it is about the ideas of death and dealing with it. In We Could Be Rats, our main character Sigrid attempts suicide. We hear about it after the fact, reading her suicide letter. The perspectives switch to that of her sister, Margit, who find Sigrid. We learn about their stories & childhood, how they ended up estranged. Margit deals with the fact that she didn’t know what was happening with Sigrid until it was too late. Sigrid speaks about feeling a sense of distance and a lack of sense of purpose. It’s a beautiful book about family, and, despite the subject matter, it’s often quite funny. Overall, it’s a beautiful piece and I highly recommend you check it out.
A Grief Observed
It would be improper to write this list without mentioning C.S Lewis’ A Grief Observed. This 1961 memoir is about Lewis’ struggle with his wife’s death, after she passed from cancer. It’s on the shorter side, only 76 pages, but it packs up so much emotion into the pages it feels longer. He opens the book with: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear”. Honestly, I think that summarizes the novel pretty well. He writes about struggling with his faith after the passing of his wife, comparing God to a dentist; just because you know someone is good does not mean it’s unreasonable to be afraid of them. We grow with C.S Lewis throughout this book, which I think is very special.
The Year of Magical Thinking
Probably the most famous piece on grieving ever written. If you don’t know already, I love Joan Didion endlessly, and I can think of multiple books by her that would suit this list. That said, ‘The Year of Magical Thinking’ is the true standout of Didion’s work. Joan lost her husband and daughter in the same year, and that’s what this book is about. After visiting their daughter in her hospital room, Joan & her husband sat down to eat dinner. Mid-sentence, he died of a heart attack. Joan writes about feeling detached from writing after the passing of her loved ones, which I think anyone could relate to. Joan never falls into cliches about healing in this piece, which I appreciate. There’s no clean ending. In the end, her problems haven’t been solved. But they get better.
We All Want Impossible Things
This book deals with two best friends, Edi and Ash. Catherine Newman writes about their journey following Edi’s transition into hospice due to her cancer. The two women have been friends for forty years, dealing with childhood, marriage, pregnancy, and more. They’ve lived their whole lives together, and, suddenly, Ash is left with the fact that she will no longer have Edi by her side. It’s a beautiful, funny story about friendship, preemptive mourning and how difficult it is to say goodbye to someone who, for the moment, is still alive.
Crying in H-Mart
An incredibly moving memoir written by Michelle Zauner following her mother’s death. The title comes from the opening line: “Ever since my mom died, I cry in H-Mart”. I read this book years ago, and again after I had a breakdown in Michaels buying poster-board for Grandpa’s funeral. It’s deeply honest and moving, talking about the author’s relationship with her Korean mother and how cultural food connected with them. This was one of the biggest books of 2021, and it’s easy to see why. Zauner writes about having to care for a sick parent, and her tumultuous relationship with her mother.
So that’s what I’ve been up to, if you were wondering. Lots and lots of reading. Hopefully, lots of writing will come from it.
