There will often be times in our lives when we are struggling hard, desperately looking for a way out of a sticky situation. It could be a daunting social event. Or a very complex project at work. Or even a sudden startling event.
We have all been there.
In such times, we often find people around us who could potentially get us out of this catch-22. But do we always approach them?
Big NO.
Most of us struggle to seek out people who we know have the skills or the chutzpah to bail us out.
A woman struggles with an anxiety attack
Why Asking for Help Feels Like Swallowing a Cactus
Calling out our friends or acquaintances for help can be a terribly challenging experience for some of us. Not everyone can be the blessed social butterfly after all. There are plenty of psychological and behavioral traits behind this perplexing phenomenon. Our mind plays out all these horror scenarios, which are usually less likely to occur. High up the list could be the dreaded fear of rejection. No one likes being rejected outright in public. The guilt of being a burden on others could be another plausible explanation.
Some people, especially young adults, often blur the line between autonomy and compulsive self-reliance. Another plausible explanation is culture. Some countries in Asia, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East have the propensity to a ‘buckle down and face your demons alone’ type of mindset. When we are wired to think like that since our childhood, it can be difficult to go against the tide. Finally, it could be the fear of being belittled. We might have a nagging voice in our head that cautions us against this move.
How to Ask For Help Without Breaking a Sweat
While we might have several voices in our head who talk to us against such a move, it’s time to be practical. Because here’s the kicker: people can’t help us if they don’t know we need them to.
It is as simple as that. So, here are some strategies to ask for help when you need it:
1. Make a Final Call
Decide once and for all if the situation demands external assistance. In some cases, you might just be going through an impostor syndrome and doubting yourself. However, most of the time, you would have usually made your best efforts to sort out the issue but failed to get on an even keel. In such circumstances, it is best to step back and ask for help. Once the decision is made, you need to go all in and find the best person to reach out to.
2. Find the Right Person
Depending on the situation, you will have to find the right person to bail you out of those choppy waters. Not everyone has the requisite level of patience or knowledge, so choose wisely. If you are facing a technical issue at work, seek out your most handy and tech-savvy colleague at work. In a socially awkward environment, go for a person who is known to be approachable and easygoing. For a personal conundrum, your family or social circle is the best port of call. Sometimes, going for professional help could also be handy in complex situations. This could look like reaching out to a qualified professional for support, such as a psychiatrist, counselor, or social worker who might have a Masters of Social Work online. The pros might just find the best solution.
3. Time it Well
Like in baseball, timing is everything when asking for help. You wouldn’t ask someone for help right when they are buried deep in their work, just like you wouldn’t try to catch a fastball when you’re not paying close attention. It’s best to give the person adequate time to think about your proposal and work out a way to help you. If you perceive stress or urgency in their response, back off and excuse yourself to come back later.
4. Don’t Forget to be Thankful
When someone makes the effort to go out of their way to step in for you, be generous in your appreciation for their time and effort. For a simple task, a warm “thank you” should usually suffice. However, if the task involved tons of effort and long hours, a small gift, a treat, or even a return favour is warranted.
It is important to remember that asking for help does not make us weak or incompetent. It is very human to seek others to help carry the load. The key is in embracing your insecurities and just going for it once you have made a decision. After that, it is all about finding the right person at the right time and being crisp in your communication. Expressing your gratitude also never goes out of fashion.
