We all have a moment in our life where we desperately wish someone would understand or empathize.
Similarly, we all have probably been in a situation where we wish we could understand someone’s pain. It’s not uncommon and it is definitely not anyone’s fault. But it is a problem we can learn to solve.
Compassion for most of us exists as a way to showcase our vulnerability and care for others. One might say some people are simply “kind,” others aren’t. But in truth, compassion isn’t an innate gift granted to the lucky few. It’s a learned, practiced skill – one that requires effort, awareness, and, above all, choice.
The Myth of Natural Kindness
We celebrate achievements of merit, academics, sports but never empathy. Schools teach us how to think but rarely how to feel. When someone displays deep understanding or forgiveness, it’s considered miraculous: an exception instead of a necessary act. We live in a paradoxical age: more connected than ever, yet more emotionally detached. So the idea that people aren’t able to be there for each other is not a surprise.
One of the first lessons in compassion is to separate it from pity. Pity looks down; compassion looks across. To feel for others we cannot limit ourselves to simply stating “I feel bad for you,” we need to look beyond to understanding their whys and hows. True compassion refuses to reduce others to their suffering; it sees them whole, capable, human. Judgement is easy to come by but understanding is a deliberate act that requires care and precision.
Our Competitive World
Kindness to many is a luxury, only afforded to those extraordinary or those who benefit from each other.
Success stories glorify ambition, self-interest, and resilience, not softness. But compassion is not the opposite of strength; it is a more sustainable form of it.
Leaders who inspire are those who listen, co-workers who make safer environments are those who empathize and deeper bonds are made from those who forgive. Compassion makes stability allowing communities and individuals to grow without breaking under comparison.
How Compassion is Learned
Compassion is a composition of small actions, gestures, genuine remorse.
You learn compassion when:
- You’re wronged, and you choose not to retaliate.
- You’re hurt, and you still choose to listen.
- You realize that kindness is not a transaction, but a transformation.
The more we expose ourselves to different people, the more we find similarity in our struggles.
The Barriers
If compassion is a skill, an essential one, why is its existence so dull?
● Fear: caring makes us weak
● Pride: caring is not essential because the “chose it”
● Fatigue: caring is too exhausting
Society makes compassion seem soft, causing the cruelties of the world to make us hard. To remain kind is to rebel against apathy.
A Skill, A Choice, A Legacy
Compassion is not weakness, its bravery in comfort, in care, in vulnerability. Every time you listen instead of argue, forgive instead of retaliate, or reach out instead of retreat, you are practicing it.
Like any skill we master: it takes time, patience, dedication and a mindset to commit.
