Calling Mr Caterpillar
By: Victoria Spear
- Staring at the screen for hours on end, i lose the satisfaction of being entertained. the illuminated room makes my mind more alert with each creak and groan of the worn tiles. My mind has grown murky–uncleaned, senses jumbled together with legs twitching to run. The voices in the waiting room never cease, for a moment i wonder if the plants would be a nice company to stay in. I suppose the nurse who called my name wouldn’t agree with her downturned lips.
- Piles of blankets upon the nest welcomes an area to rest the eyes, cinnamon batter filling warm air through the lungs. i await the usual process of the man’s husky voice for further instruction; sight black, nose full, ears open. as if the depths of wonderland would allow me to wonder about the lands without the three most important things for survival.
- Laid down nose pointed to the ceiling allowed the subconscious to shift, the male’s tone vibrating with each syllable as if it were a nursery rhyme. a few stages of life flash, the cradle fists grabbing in the air for the blue butterflies that can never be reached. at times i wished God had blessed me with them, i would have flown away from this place and made my own reality in his kingdom. it would be only then would the chatter and tremor of my mind would cease.
- An island of tea cups and mushrooms greet me beneath my feet as the voice illustrates. readers from all around the world can recount Alice in Wonderland, from the twisted smiles of the Cheshire cat to the Mad Hatter stuffing your face with lies and pills. the grass resembles sheets of wool upon the arrival to the lair of sanctuary, i know i shouldn’t feel the thrum of music flowing through my veins each time i’m here, for times twists and turns faster and slower upon emotion. a hand extends towards me like many times before, i hear him before he speaks – your noggin’ playing games again?
- Mr Caterpillar shifts the leaf hammock in smooth waves for the smoke around us grows thicker and heavier. he doesn’t command this realm, nor does he offer the strength God gives me each day. the soft caresses he does to my soul with his red smoke is enough, he remembered i don’t like pink-the color making me sick once a year. his eyes watch me with wrinkled wonder, a sharp edge to them as i draw each breath, lips upon my forehead in smooth rhythms to match my heart. the fae watched us with their smiles mending with the flowers they smoked, all they could do was laugh – for we are all mad here.
– Victoria Spear
*Author’s Note*
This poem was written during my sophomore year of college, inspired by my love of Alice in Wonderland and the ways mental health is portrayed in both literature and reality. In the poem, I explored the intertwining effects of anxiety and depression, particularly in the digital age, where social media often amplifies these struggles. Many of us find ourselves navigating therapy sessions alone, transforming our own coping mechanisms into sources of comfort and resilience.
The character of Mr. Caterpillar is meant to represent a guiding presence—someone we can rely on in our darkest moments. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a mentor, or even a significant other, this figure embodies the unwavering support that helps us find clarity when we feel lost. Mental health support looks different for everyone; for some, it’s professional therapy, while for others, it’s the reassurance of a loved one or the comfort of personal rituals. Despite these differences, the common thread is that healing rarely happens in isolation—there is always something or someone anchoring us, even if we don’t realize it at first.
I also focused on sensory details in the middle portion of the poem to mirror grounding techniques often used during anxiety attacks. Engaging the senses—what we see, hear, touch, and even smell—can help pull us out of a negative spiral and bring us back to the present moment. The red smoke that swirls around the scene represents both love and control, an ebb and flow between struggle and support. It’s a push and pull, much like the journey of mental health itself: at times chaotic, but ultimately a process of learning to balance our emotions, rely on others when needed, and cultivate self-compassion.
