no one knows this,
but I am afraid
of leaving home
my whole life
it has been assumed
that I would travel far
away
pack my bags as soon as
that diploma hits
my hands
and for the majority
of my life
I believed it.
I applied to colleges more than
a plane ride away,
explored as many
far-flung campuses
as I could get my
naïve little
hands on
struggled to understand
those that wanted to
stay close
questioned those with
dreams unlike
my own
– but now I am
changing
airplanes feel less like freedom
and more like
suffocation,
car rides are a light switch for
my worries and
packing bags fill my stomach
with first date
nerves
my excitement has morphed into
fear and the
list of reasons I wanted to get
away have transformed into
a recitation of things I am
scared of
the money
the distance
the travel
the unknown
it’s impossible to tell
if these feelings are
logic of my mind or
yearning of my
weary heart,
but what I know
is that I
will end up
somewhere
I just have to trust
that I will land
where I’m supposed to
be.
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