Due to the nature of our society, everyone is, in some way or another, misogynistic. However, this misogyny, for most people, doesn’t manifest in extreme acts of violence or hatred, but rather in everyday actions, thoughts, or ideologies. The biggest kicker about this subtle misogyny is that it affects women just as much—if not more in some cases—as men. To understand internalized misogyny, we must examine how it manifests within popular culture, how it’s projected onto other women, and how it’s projected onto oneself.
Misogyny in Popular Culture and Trends
Things like weightlifting, STEM, and rap music often get a bad rap for being misogynistic. While those stereotypes do hold some truth, it’s important to understand that almost all popular culture contains some degree of misogyny—and that some of the most influential forms are the subtle forms. Trends such as “I’m just a girl” [1] or “Girl Math” [2] are wildly popular online among women and girls. They’re catchy, seemingly harmless, and often satirical. But they also raise the question: why is the butt of the joke usually women, and why is their supposed “stupidity” or “indecisiveness” the target? Why do women often perpetuate these jokes themselves?
Beyond these seemingly harmless examples, some trends are far more insidious, such as the “Tradwife” trend [3] or the “I’m not a feminist because ___” [4] trend where thousands of women publicly denounce feminism and call for the regression of women’s social and political rights, all under the guise of a “trend” on social media.
Women Hating Women
So, it’s clear that women can and do internalize misogyny—but how does this affect the way women treat each other? Misogyny between women shows up in thousands of ways, but one of the clearest examples is the “I’m not like other girls” [5] trend. In this trend, girls go to great lengths to prove they’re different from, and therefore better than, other girls. They avoid popular music, reject stereotypically “girly” hobbies, and even alter their style to separate themselves from the rest physically. Of course, this behavior can swing both ways when cliquey girls exclude and ridicule other girls who don’t follow trends. Girls get bullied for being either too trendy or too alternative, and, most of the time, it’s other girls doing the bullying.
The “I’m not like other girls” trend is the most obvious example of women-on-women misogyny, but it’s far from the only one. Think about all the times female relatives have pushed younger girls to help out more than the boys. How often have girls put down their own gender in a conversation with a cute guy? How many of us have caught ourselves catering to or prioritizing our male friends and colleagues over our female ones? There aren’t enough words in this article to capture all the ways women discriminate against other women. Still, I encourage every girl reading this to pause for a moment and reflect on your genuine thoughts and actions toward other women. You might be surprised by what you find.
Women Hating Themselves
One of the biggest tragedies of our society’s sexism is how girls are taught to fundamentally, and subconsciously, view themselves as less than. How many women haven’t pursued their passions because they believed they couldn’t, simply because they were women? How many have denied themselves the very human emotions of rage or angst? How many women have gone their whole lives believing it to be a fault to be a woman in a world of men? These limitations act as chains that have dragged (and continue to drag) every woman down due to the key pillar of our society– misogyny. Women hate women, others, and themselves [6]. I truly believe every girl, if she thought about it, could recall a moment when she deemed herself unworthy or incapable of doing something she was fully capable of doing. In fact, I think she could remember many moments.
The Feminism of Recognized Misogyny
In conclusion, the notion that women cannot be misogynistic is not only ignorant but dangerous. It undermines the real oppression and violence that women can, and do, inflict on each other and themselves. Because misogyny has been ingrained in us since before we could even think, it’s crucial to recognize how it lives within us and to take active steps to unlearn it. I write this knowing that I am misogynistic—but I do not want to be. Unlearning it will take a lifetime, but I owe it to myself and to every woman alive.
Education is key. Don’t support the system that is keeping you down. Don’t hate other women or yourself for simply existing in this world. Support others, love yourself, and remember: it’s very feminist to admit your own misogyny.
Citations
“Unmasking the Trend: the Hidden Harm of ‘I’m Just a Girl.’” The Teen Magazine, 30 May 2024, www.theteenmagazine.com/unmasking-the-trend-the-hidden-harm-of-i-m-just-a-girl.
Teo, Kai Xiang. “‘Girl Math’ Is Going Viral on TikTok — But It Has a Cost.” Business Insider, 13 Aug. 2023, www.businessinsider.com/girl-math-personal-finance-trend-goes-viral-tiktok-2023-8.
Travers, Mark. “A Psychologist Explains the Dangers of the ‘Tradwife’ Movement.” Forbes, 6 Jan. 2024, www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/01/06/a-psychologist-explains-the-dangers-of-the-tradwife-movement.
Whitmore, Claire. “’I’m Not a Feminist, I Can Actually Cook’: Conceptual Feminism Explained.” Medium, medium.com/@ClaireWhitmore/why-we-need-to-stop-saying-im-not-like-other-girls-095ce0d9ccd7.
Whitmore, Claire. “Why We Need to Stop Saying ‘I’m Not Like Other Girls’.” Medium, medium.com/@ClaireWhitmore/why-we-need-to-stop-saying-im-not-like-other-girls-095ce0d9ccd7.
Soddu, Isabella. “Internalized Misogyny Is Limiting Self-Expression and Confidence in Women.” The Vermont Cynic, 29 Nov. 2022, vtcynic.com/opinion/internalized-misogyny-is-limiting-self-expression-and-confidence-in-women/.
